Smushball

Hey.

For my sake and for the sake of our relationship, I hope you are someone who reads. The words I type have always conveyed my feelings better than anything else. I think about you often, mostly because I’m terrified you aren’t real or I will never find you.

You are the man I will eventually fall in love with.

I’ve had rocky relationships. Imagine that, I’m only 19, turning 20 in a few weeks and I’ve already had my heart broken brutally, broken some kind hearts and I’ve never had stable relationships. But then again I’m only 19 turning 20, so there is, I hope, much time left to be in one.

Currently I’m submerging myself with things to do because I’m working on myself. I’ve lived a comfortable life and I want to continue to do the same without depending on my parents anymore. I want to be 100% financially independent by the time I’m 21, you see. And I hope this spirit of mine continues till and after I meet you. I am materialistic and I want to build a name for myself and be successful, for now. It is the summer of ’17 and I’m doing two internships and building contacts and trying to do photoshoots. And learning lightroom.

Continue reading Smushball

Pep Talk

You’ve made a complete and total mess of your life so far, and I’m glad you’re finally waking up and seeing the light. Thank you for finally realizing that it is time to fix things.

You’ve been blessed with a combination of your insanely smart parents’ brain and we both know that hands down you are the smartest person among your peers. USE IT. I know studying last minute and still managing to score gives you a kick, but enough. It is an utter waste of your potential and watching Parks and Rec all day before the exam is the most useless, non-productive activity I can think of at this point. Study. Because you can. And a 4 point CGPA is achievable. WORK FOR IT.

Stop running behind true love and stupid boys. Like honestly, aren’t your 35678 failed relationships a testament to this little idea that maybe now just isn’t the time? Also we both know you hate stupid boys who waste away their time smoking pot/doing drugs/other intoxicants and have zero focus on their future, so why are you even bothering with them? Flash forward to 6 years from now, when you’ll finally have peers who are equally motivated to live the good life like you are. And then maybe you’ll find someone who’s just like you and just perfect for you – positive, successful and kind.

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Wet – II

I am dripping wet and he is teasing me.

He lets his fingers circle my clit, ever so gently, its touch as light as a feather. I am driven insane with sheer want for more. I need more. So much more.

I know he sees it in my eyes. I see the curve of a half-smile around his lip. He enjoys my frustration. He wants to drive me insane. He wants me to crave his touch, need him, be consumed by my uncontrollable lust for him.

There is only so long I can wait. I clasp his arm, push his finger inside my wetness. I let out an involuntary hiss. I want to scream with sweet carnal delight.

Continue reading Wet – II

Wet – I

I am pushed to the bed. I notice that there are new bedspreads on and they are white. I’ve always been fond of white bedspreads.

I am waiting. I’ve waited too long for this. We’ve been apart for far too long.

I am still sedentary and he leans forward. His face is inches away from mine.

His palm cups my head and he pulls my hair back. He looks into my eyes, deep and straight, poring into them. I feel naked, utterly naked, body, heart and soul. I am shaking with desire and anticipation.

He spreads my legs with his knees. A sigh escapes me. His finger is on my lip, hushing me. I bite the urge to take it in my mouth and feel it with my tongue. But it moves, it’s trailing down my torso, down my navel. His eyes are still on mine, his gaze is carnal.

His fingers trail lower still, until it’s finally exactly where I ache for it to be, the core of my desires. I am consumed with lust, blinded with longing.

I am dripping wet.

Deflowered

Excerpts from the book I will most probably never complete – I

I lost my virginity at seventeen to a tall boy with light brown eyes who I thought I would always be with and eventually marry. Ishaan. I remember the day like it was yesterday. We had only been together for a month and it had been nothing like I had imagined; not slow, not gentle, no soft whispers of sweet nothings and declarations of his undying love for me. Fifteen minutes was all it took, the pain blinded me and I had to bite my own arm to keep myself from screaming. He lay beside me after that, put my head on his chest and asked me how it had felt. I fought back my tears, thought about all the dreams and plans I had of our perfect future together and lied through my teeth, Perfect.