How to Love Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Long read (4-7 mins)

Until August 2015 when I was diagnosed, I didn’t know anything about personality disorders, forget BPD. But with a break-up gone horribly wrong and my coping mechanisms turning extremely unhealthy I knew something was amiss. I was so utterly lost and desperate to escape pain altogether. That’s how I first started therapy.

I’ll tell you a little about this particular personality disorder. The classic symptoms are extreme mood swings, a history of unstable relationships, uncertainty when it comes to sense of self. They’re terrified of abandonment and will do anything at all to preserve a relationship. Hence there is always a lack of self-esteem, they placate, accommodate and apologize at the slightest hint of what is perceived by them as rejection or possible abandonment, to maintain the emotional connection. As a result, they are often taken advantage of and dominated which just further damages whatever remains of their self-esteem and increases their insecurities.

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Bleed

And what was clear unblemished skin, below the fading scars of the past, now holds three fresh cuts. But the wrist is thin and soft, and this time, the second cut’s a millimetre too deep. So she bleeds, she drops to the floor and she bleeds. She bleeds until the tears are dry, the blood’s dark and spread out all over the porcelain white tile underneath her palm, turning into one hard blot with the passing of each minute. Her head’s heavy and breaths are ragged. The sting from each time the shiny metal met her young skin is long gone. Her body’s numb. And then one final breath, her eyes close with her lips still parted. There will be no more pain, no more hate, no more nights spent crying till her eyes hurt. It’s over.