Anna,

Happy birthday, sunshine

As long as I live, I will never forget how you came over and introduced yourself on the first day of eleventh grade with the warmest of smiles and I so clearly remember how we got close, you practically dragged me away from that random Commerce chick on the steps, and spent the rest of PE with me just talking for one hour straight. Then we started to sit together, and eventually, I found my best friend in you.

That’s you. My best friend. And everywhere I go, deep inside I know all I try to find is someone just like you. But that’s the thing, no one can be you. No one I’ve ever met in the twenty years of my existence is as fiercely loyal,  adorable and selflessly kind as you. No one I’ve ever met has a heart as big as yours.

And every day, I strive to be a warm, sunny person like you.

Life sucks sometimes, but I know I’ll never ever truly be alone. Because I’ll always have you and you’re just a phone call away. And a conversation with you has never failed to brighten me right up. I absolutely love how there’s never a dearth of things to talk about. That reminds me, I really have an insane amount of important news to tell you and god, I need to meet you soon. Kerala trip, coming up.

And thank you, for sticking around. And never giving up on me. And for forgiving me when I acted like a total selfish bitch (remember our first and last fight in twelfth grade? good lord, what the fuck was I doing) To this day, I do not know what I did to deserve you, but I’m eternally grateful to the universe for letting me find you.

You gave me my happiest memories in Trissur. Every day with you was an absolute joy. I’ve never been the kind to miss school, I was more than happy to get the fuck out of there, but if there’s one single thing I do miss, it’s sitting with you and just talking non-stop, laughing like a lunatic at the stories you’d tell me (remember the little kid who was annoyed with sunlight in your school bus? It still makes me laugh when I think about it, jesus), reading those Health magazine sexology columns with you and Kiran in the library ahahahahah, ayyy. You see, the only parts of school life I miss, are the bits with you.

Good heavens, I sound gay.

Ay, but who cares. And I miss you terribly today. And I wish I could’ve been in town for your birthday, but I’m going to try and come in October and I shall bring your birthday gift along. But I’m glad you had a great birthday yesterday.

I think I’ll tell you the rest when I call you next.

I love you, baby girl. Always, always stay happy.

xx

The Day I Decided I’m Fabulous, My Life Got a Whole Lot Better

The ages 16 and 17 were tough on me and during this period I developed severe anxiety and horrible insecurities about the way I look and I think they stayed with me pretty much till around 6 months back when I got out of what I hadn’t realized was an extremely toxic relationship.

My life since then has been abso-fucking-lutely fabulous (if you’re catching all the SATC references, good job)

I guess it really is true when people say your thoughts have the power to attract things into your life because these days it appears fab parties, great friends, good times and hot men are just magically finding their way into my life. I also feel ultra confident in my own skin and I genuinely feel sexy in everything I wear.

My dear friend S in fact commented the other day, ‘It’s difficult to be sad around you, you’re so fucking happy’ and I swear that’s by far the best compliment I have ever received. I think I’d always like to be remembered as the person you absolutely cannot be unhappy around.

Of course I wasn’t always like this and I must honestly admit I still have some terrible days too (mostly PMS) when I just don’t feel fabulous or motivated to achieve greatness. But you see then again, here’s something you’ve heard a million times in your life and never believed,

happiness is a choice

It’s that easy. Just choose to think positive thoughts, watch a positive show, listen to some positive happy music, just literally force yourself to happy.

People tell me, it’s not that easy. Well, I don’t know about them, but it works perfectly fine for me.

Here’s what I do when I’m upset. I get myself a packet of chips. Nay, not Lays. Just that good old packet of potato chips you get from these local bakeries/cig shops at like every corner in town for 15 bucks. Of course it’s not healthy, it’s all pure carbs and my diet goes to shit but it tastes good and it’s my happy food.

I watch videos of cats, chiropractic adjustment compilations and my favourite body builders. Depends on my mood really. If I want to laugh, the cats always do their charm. Chiropractic adjustments always relax me. And bodybuilders are fucking hot and their dedication gets me all pumped up, like FUCK YES, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE, I’M GOING TO DO SOME SQUATS NOW.

I binge watch SATC or Parks and Rec or Modern Family or just the Dothraki bits of GOT season 1 (Drogo, you beast of a man, I love you)

I write corny shit. Works like a charm every time. I’m a sucker for love and I literally could sit for hours dreaming about my fantastic imaginary relationship with whoever I’ve a crush on at the time. Writing just makes it feel a whole lot more real and I love it. (I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again, yes every single love/relationship piece I’ve written is fiction but ahahaha not for long, my one big love is coming)

I clean my room. Super relaxing. Super satisfying.

I update my calendar. Put little to-do’s and goals all through the month. I fucking love staying organized, it makes me feel very hmm, productive. Daz right. Sure some months I don’t really meet all my goals but that’s okay to make a plan is the first step and I know that maybe I’ll delay it but I’ll do it all at some point.

HUSTLE. HUSTLE. HUSTLE.

Some days I actually open my calendar and catch up on the stuff I’ve been putting off for fucking forever and it’s the most satisfying feeling. That reminds me, I need to seriously make some lifestyle posts for this blog.

I splurge. Would I regret it later at the end of the month when I’m broke and wishing I’d saved some cash? Probably. Am I going to worry about that and let it stop me now? AW HELL NO.

I join tinder. I barely stay for a day each time I do but somehow my tinder’s always been lucky and I always score some hot men and have some great conversations and go on some great dates. My male friends tell me this never happens and getting matches is rare so I guess it’s just us ladies who get lucky always on this wonderful app so oh well, works for me. I haven’t really been on tinder for ages now because life’s been pretty happening but I know when it starts to get boring, I trust dear tinder to spice it up.

I do self-care-pamper-sess. Skin care, exercise, stretch, waxing, drink some three liters of water, really just anything that makes me feel like I’m taking care of my body and pampering myself. (I recommend getting a foot reflexology done if you’re willing to shell out a few hundred bucks. It’s pretty fucking amazing and worth the cash spent) Skin care is pretty much an every day affair really, though and if you really know me you’d know I give serious importance to my naturally good, blessed skin and take immense care to ensure I never get acne. (water, really, it’s the secret)

Here’s what I never do when I’m upset. Drink. It always only makes it all worse for me because in all my experience alcohol has always acted as a downer for me unless in a club, where it tends to make me incredibly hyper and dance like a madwoman. Then again, I’m quitting alcohol y’all so one drink, max two, that’s it, no more. And you know what, almost sober partying isn’t so bad. I’m starting to really like it. The other night I went to this fancy ass hotel for a party and literally just had one beer and it didn’t hit me at all but it really didn’t matter. I had great company, the DJ played some bomb music, Imet an incredibly hot guy and I danced my heart out. What a fun night.

Of course life is not always so much fun and really the only thing that really gets me down is the fact that I’ve been single for too long now and I’m honestly yet to experience a relationship that goes beyond four months so you know, it gets lonely. But then again, I know exactly how wonderful I am. I’ve a big heart, a wonderful personality, a great body, ambitions and I’m fabulous. So you see, I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve and they say good things come to those who wait and I know exactly what I want (read – a very specific type when it comes to men, heh) so I guess I’ll just wait it out.

And where has all my positivity gotten me? Oh well today I’m a confident, fiercely self-assured, happy person (on 6 days out of 7 since I invariably always have one low day I always have to fix) and I love my life.

You see, in my opinion, it all comes down to what you believe. I’m fabulous because I believe I’m fabulous. And you could be too, you just have to believe it.

xx

Pep Talk

The past does not matter.

It does not matter how much you’ve fucked shit up, how many people you’ve hurt, how many people hurt you, how many regrets you have. Today is a new day. Today you could make amends. Today you move on.

Today is a chance. Use it wisely.

If there’s someone you’ve hurt and if it pricks your conscience, pick that phone up, dial up their number, apologize/explain/appease, do whatever it takes to make peace once again in your heart.

If you’ve been hurt by someone at some point and you can’t stop thinking about it, ask yourself this, is it worth it? Putting yourself through pain for someone else’s fuck up?  It’s done, you’re here now, you can start afresh. Heartbreak isn’t forever. Let it go. People come and go. Some stay, some don’t. The ones who do, care about you. Focus on them.

Happiness is the only one thing worth fighting for. So fight for whatever makes you happy. Success, fame, fitness, money, whatever it may be. Take one step towards it today. Set goals. Make a plan. Remember this, in the end, when it all works out, you’re going to appreciate every sweat you broke in your efforts to achieve it.

You will find love. Believe this. But first learn to love yourself. You cannot expect someone to love you if you don’t do it yourself. Look in the mirror, say I love myself three times, yell if you can. Do this everyday. Start now. Your perceived physical flaws will nag at you. You’re short. You have acne. You’re skinny. You’re pale. You’re fat. You’re dark. Your nose is too round. Your lips are too thin. Too much, too little. Silence them. Ask yourself one question, am I the best version of myself that I can be? Everything comes down to what your answer is. If you think you are, that’s it. Someday soon someone will come along who’ll fall head over heels in love with everything you are, or someone who’s already a part of your life will learn to appreciate the beautiful, absolutely unique combination of atoms, molecules and thoughts that you are. If you think there’s room for improvement, work on yourself. Work out. Run. Stretch. Cleanse. Take care of your skin. Get a spa done. Pamper yourself. Get a pedicure, a manicure, a haircut, whatever brings you closer to the best version of yourself. I personally believe being the best physical version of yourself naturally makes you confident, self-assured and optimistic.

That pretty much covers it but here are some totally random things I really think could help anyone at any point to feel better.

When things chaotic, block the world out, plug in your headphones, blast some good music. Always have a happy, pumped up playlist. If you’re an artist, even better. Splash colours, whip out a paintbrush, create your own abstract masterpiece, swish swash. Dance. Read the Dork trilogy by Sidin Vadakut (fucking epic books, hilarious as fuck). Go to a fancy ass cafe, order fancy ass food, devour that shit. Get that tattoo/piercing/both you’ve been putting off for ages. Wine. Is there any bad day, good wine can’t fix? Get hold of your friends, get a girls night out/ boys night out going. Long drives, baby. Get drunk, get stoned, trip balls. Scream. Run. Redecorate your room. Paint a wall. Bake a cake. Create an illustration. Watch a DIY video and make something. Write a letter to your best friend. Write a letter to future you. Bicycle ride. Um, burger and fries y’all. Yoga. Attempt a split. Make a new Pinterest board. Get your ass on Tinder, swipe swipe swipe. Memes memes memes. Click a self portrait, edit the shit out of it on Lightroom. Eat sweet green grapes (honestly the best froot ever) Solve Sudoku. Sing along to your favorite song. Call up an old friend. Order takeout. Get a tub of Mississippi Mud. Watch a corny chickflick. Do anything and everything could possibly make you happy.

You deserve to be happy always!