Happy Birthday, Joy
And when we meet, hold me tight and close like you’ll never let go. And I’ll melt in the warmth of your embrace. You’re my safe haven.
And when we meet, look deep into my eyes; they say I’m hard to read but I’ll tell you a secret, my eyes can’t hide a single thing. Look deep into my eyes and you’ll read my soul.
And when we meet, I’ll touch your face, trace the outline of your jaw, run my finger down your neck, over your collarbones. I have craved this moment for months. I have craved the feel of your skin.
And when we meet, you’ll finally see the blush you always feel over far too many telephone conversations; kiss my cheeks then and watch the shyest, happiest smile spread across my face, this smile’s going to stay.
And when we meet, there will be such unfamiliar familiarity. Of souls that have gotten close over time lacking just the blessing that is physical touch.
And when we meet, you’ll see my walls come down and my heart open up again. Distance will no longer serve as an excuse. Love will consume me.
Maybe you were just looking in all the wrong places.
Maybe you forgot about finding happiness in the small things.
Maybe you forgot how blissfully calming that first sip of tea in the chilly mornings could be. Or how perfectly cozy you felt curled up and sleepy under your soft, warm quilt. Or the smell of old books, new books, books. Or your dog’s happy eyes when you come back home, having missed you terribly all day long. Your cat snuggling in your lap and falling asleep, a perfect fit there; soft happy purrs comforting your soul. Your mom’s cooking, a whiff you catch on your way past the kitchen. Your mom’s smile. Your dad’s rare, hearty laugh.
The excitement waiting for the pizza delivery man and that rush in your happy heart when the doorbell finally rings. Long telephone conversations with your long time best friend who’s miles away, the joy in telling her every little detail about the changes in your life. A new crush, hours spent stalking his facebook, that guilty pleasure at secretly storing all his best pictures. Candid pictures capturing genuine, heartfelt smiles. Old photographs. Walking by the tall bookshelves in an old library that has forever, its romantic charm. Walks under the moonlit sky in your favorite sweater, rubbing your palms to keep your cold fingers warm. Star watching. Star watching with a friend. In person or over the phone. The smell of the earth that follows the first rains. Dew falling off young, green leaves. Waking up to the sunrise. Falling asleep to soft music. The feel of coffee beans. Reading old, happy conversations. Pampering yourself, indulging in yourself, splurging on yourself. Brunch with your best friends. That perfect steak with that perfect barbeque sauce. That genuine, elated smile on your friend’s face on opening a carefully, thoughtfully planned birthday gift. Finding good new music. Finding an old favorite song. Finding an old birthday gift that you’d kept away in a secret place to come across later. Old journals. Writing with fountain pens on handmade paper, that beautiful light spread of royal blue ink. New, pretty notebooks you vow to write all your wild thoughts and record all your favorite new memories in.
Creating memories. Travelling to a new place that excites you and your every sense. Taking risks, the exhilaration that accompanies it. Realizing how absolutely lucky and fortunate you are for just being alive and healthy.
And you thought being happy is difficult.
I crave your presence.
I crave it, here, right now, this moment, as I stand here by this white framed window; moist breeze caresses my skin and I look out at the rain that pours down.
I’d have you sit in an armchair, hand you a mug of hot cocoa, settle on your lap, bask in your warmth and enjoy the vista outside this window, your arm around me and bliss in our hearts. We’d savour this in silence, our best moments together almost always are. Summer rains are so utterly beautiful. That smell of rain we spoke about the last time you were here, the whiff that follows the first droplets hitting the parched, brown earth; the air is replete with the same and I crave your presence.
If only you were here.
And when the tears roll down and you’re too sad to even speak, I’ll hold you to my bosom, cocoon you in my warmth. I’ll rock you softly, whisper to you that everything is going to turn out okay. Touch my lips to your forehead, plant a million soft kisses. I won’t let you go.
I’ll hold on tight till you drift off to sleep. And then I’ll lay you gently beside me, kiss your swollen, tender eyelids. I’ll put my arm around you, listen to the soft beats of your heart and feel your warm breaths till I drift off to sleep myself. It breaks my heart to see you sad, every tear that rolls down your cheek clutches at my heart. I’ll be as gentle as you want me to.
People with hearts as big as yours deserve a love as deep as the oceans, infinite like the universe. Let down your walls, let me in, let me help you heal.